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Alec Baldwin Is An Asshole (But Especially To Me)
Just recently, Alec Baldwin was arrested for punching a man in a dispute over a parking space. This leads me to two questions: One — why? And two, you’re a multi-millionaire, you can’t afford your own parking space?
Anyway, this brief blip of celebrity news may have alerted you to the fact that Alec Baldwin is… kind of an asshole. Luckily for you, I am way ahead of you here. I have always known that Alec Baldwin is an asshole.
Alec Baldwin is also known for leaving a drunken voicemail on his 12-year-old daughter’s voicemail, in which he berated her for, and I quote, “Being a rude, thoughtless little pig.” Harsh. But perhaps he had a point, in that Alec Baldwin is well known for finding the world insufficiently appreciative of his Alec-Baldwin-ness. Still. Drunkenly calling your young daughter a fat pig. I’m going to take a strong stand and say that I’m against that. Would Gandhi, for example, do that? No. He would not. He would find a much more polite way of phrasing that message.
But what with the internet and all, that whole phone-message kerfuffle took place the equivalent of 250 years ago, so you’ve probably forgotten about it.
Alec Baldwin is currently famous for doing a Donald Trump impression on “Saturday Night Live.” This has nothing to do with my story, and is in fact kind of petty (as petty as drunkenly screaming at your pre-tween daughter). But still, I do have to say this. Alec’s Trump impression sucks. I can do a better one, and I suck at impressions. Trump, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sean Connery — I can do all these impressions. Why? Because they’re easy as fuck. And yet for some reason Baldwin is treated as a hero for mocking a president that almost everyone else in the world mocks. Kudos. Kudos to you, sir.
But I digress. I’m here to remind you that Alec Baldwin is a dick, and tried to get me fired, among other things.
Before we get into that, let’s take a look at this clip from the Alec Baldwin movie “Malice.” It’s not a good movie, and he is acting, so it’s not exactly him, and he is supposed to be a bad guy. But still, doesn’t it seem a little too convincing? Watch and learn:
